


If We Lose Ourselves: Part IV

by Likesummerrain (AverageBunny)



Series: If We Lose Ourselves [4]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Fake Marriage, Falling In Love, Undercover Missions, Undercover as a Couple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 06:40:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 2,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11686152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AverageBunny/pseuds/Likesummerrain
Summary: A series of short fics where Obi-Wan Kenobi and Luminara Unduli go on an undercover mission as a recently married couple.You know what happens next.





	1. Blood

**Author's Note:**

> The finale! Part 4 of 4!

His vision is blurred red. He does not see where he is, he cannot understand what they are saying around him. 

There are bright flashes in front of his eyes, white and red, blinding him, keeping her from her. 

She feels his fingers lace through his and hears her voice call his name.

With the little strength he can summon, he opens his eyes and focuses on her voice. 

There is nothing else around them. 

All he sees is her. 

Standing at his side, her hands wrapped around his, watching him. 

She smooths his hair back and he opens his eyes, he tries to speak. 

He tries to tell her he’s sorry, that he wants to go back, but her hand is on his cheek and all he sees is darkness falling around him. 

His mouth tastes of blood and he cannot wake up. 

Her face is etched in his mind, even when he cannot remember his own name, he remembers the lines of her face, the curve of her smile when he held her close. 

He could almost hold her again, almost feel her warmth against him, 

But she is a ghost in his mind, guiding him through the pain and he holds onto her. 

Her name spills from his lips like a prayer and he holds on for just a moment longer. 

Her voice comes in echoes and he wants to answer her, wants to open his mouth and call out to her, but when he opens his mouth, he only tastes blood on his tongue, and only sees darkness when he opens his eyes. 

Through the darkness, she remains. 

By his side, in his arms, she remains. 

 


	2. Tears

The trip should not last more than three days’ time, but she is grateful to the pilot who decides to take the more scenic route, as she put it. 

He ambles in and out of consciousness and she stays at his side, whispering, praying, saying all she knows and all she remembers, hoping that some of it  _ any of it  _ may help him. 

He calls to her, just as she drifts off to sleep, jumping upright at the sound of his voice, only to find him silent. 

She smooths his hair back, pushing away the beads of sweat over his brows and pretends that it is not her tears that fall. 

His grip on her hand is as tight as it has ever been, and it reminds her that he is still there, that they are still together, even for just a few more moments in time. 

Only for a moment does she let go of his hand, just to take her headdress off. She lets her hair fall loose, lets herself slump in her seat, lets herself close her eyes for just a moment. 

She feels the ghost of his lips on hers, the careful tracing of his fingers on her waist, the warmth of his breath on her neck. 

She looks to him lying beside her, pale with his lips parted slightly, trembling as he tries to call out to her again. 

She kisses his forehead, mumbling an old prayer for him, willing the force to protect them, 

She conjures up the moments they shared, the quietest ones, the most intimate ones, and hopes like a fool that they may bring him back. 

She pushes away the thoughts of regret, the reprimands and reminders that it should never have come this far. 

She pushes away the thoughts of what may come next and instead reminds him of his promise to her, reminds him of her promise to him, reminds him of all they had yet to do. 

She knows that she must sound like a mad woman, speaking to him with no chance of a response, but it is the only way to keep herself steady. 

She speaks to him of their adventures, of the gossip she so abhorred, of the curtains she detested, and of the colors they could never quite agree on. 

She spoke of the mundane, the irrelevant and the vain, hoping that it may just remind him of what was waiting for him when he woke. 

  
  



	3. Sacrifice

She had come to the decision that he was a stupid, stupid man with no care for himself.  

She knew from the moment he’d pushed her out of the way. 

She knew from the moment he’d raised his lightsaber. 

She knew from the moment he’d silently taken the hit. 

He had smiled at her, just before he’d jumped in front of her. 

Had given her a slight nod and a wink, in his true fashion, and told her not to worry. 

It was so like him to try and flirt with her during a fight. 

She slowed down the memory, now, playing it out in her mind second by second as she tried to make sense of what had happened to him. 

She hated herself in that moment. 

Hated herself for not acting quicker. 

Hated herself for getting distracted. 

Hated herself for getting attached. 

She hated herself most for knowing that it had been her fault. 

She shook those thoughts from her head and tried to focus on the healing prayers she’d learned all those years ago. 

He was still not conscious, and she knew that it would be long before he came to, and for the first time since they’d arrived on that forsaken planet,

She looked at him. 

She watched the steady rise and fall of his chest. 

Watched the way his lips twitched as she spoke to him. 

Watched the way his hand curled around hers. 

She couldn’t tear her eyes away from him, and it felt as though time had stopped around them. 

She saw the corners of his mouth quirk up as though to smile and something in her relaxed. 

For just a single minute, she felt at peace. 

 


	4. Hollow

His eyes open and shut without knowing how much time has passed. 

He opens his eyes and sees her looking back at him. 

He closes his eyes and feels his body being pushed around. 

He opens his eyes and sees white walls and droids hovering around him. 

He closes his eyes and feels the lingering touch of her fingertips across his face. 

He opens his eyes again and this time, he keeps them open. 

He is alone. 

Silence fills the room and he is aware that he is back. 

That they are back. 

Back home. 

No.

That’s not the right word. 

This is not home. 

This is reality. 

It hits him and he feels as though the wind has been knocked out of him entirely. 

They are back to reality. 

Back to their lives. 

Separate, reclusive lives. 

He wants to cry out for her, but knows he will get no response. 

His body relaxes and he is suddenly aware of how lonely it was, how the quiet suffocates him. 

This is not his home. 

His home is with her. 

  
  
  



	5. Cold

She holds their eyes as they speak.

She answers in short and calculated phrases. 

They call it routine, but she knows what it is.

Interrogation. 

Their voices are soft, but firm.

Hers is cold and unforgiving. 

She stands tall and firm, 

Her nails digging into her palm as she waits for it to end.  

She knows to keep her mind still, 

Knows that it will all be over soon.

But this is the life she’s returned to. 

This is her life, it always has been. 

And there in the middle of the room, she remembers what she vowed to do

Keep peace, 

Even if it means losing her own. 

She leaves the Council Chambers and has a choice to make. 

She may turn left, hurry back to him, sit next to him and hold him until he’s returned to her. 

Or, 

She may turn right, and return to her duties as normal, denying herself the indulgences of a fake life. 

In the end, 

She knows what is demanded of her,

And she turns right. 

 


	6. Memory

She is a ghost to him now. 

He feels her next to him but she vanishes when he turns around. 

He guards their memories, holds them close to him. 

They are the remnants of a life he forces himself to forget. 

He has his own duties, his own work to return to, but he finds himself glancing back, around the corner, hoping to see her. 

He imagines it more than he’d care to admit. 

He sees her walking towards him, takes his hand in hers and leads him away. 

Away from this life, 

Away from this home

And back to the home they’d built together

And back to the life he had learned to love. 

But she does not walk his way, 

She does not take his hand or lead him away

They do not run back together.

Instead, 

They walk separate ways, careful not to cross paths. 

They push the memories far into the back of their minds, and return to their work as normal, 

Both hoping the other will return to them.

Both hoping that they will wake up in each other’s arms

Safe and warm again. 


	7. Illusion

They are still connected to each other, she knows this. 

She does not stop it, does not try to push him out, though she knows she should. 

She lets him stay. 

At night she knows he is still awake, just like her,

And from opposite sides of the temple, they lie awake and share dreams of what could have been. 

In her mind the cottage is warm, bright sunlight spilling in from all corners, a small breeze keeping them cool. 

In his mind, they paint the walls different colors until they’re finally happy with one. 

In her mind, the curtains are white, not a hint of orange to be found in their house. 

He shows her a life they could have, that they might have, that they should have. 

Lazy mornings and long walks between the mountains, meditating in the sun and quiet evenings on the balcony. 

She shows him the life they both had become so accustomed to, 

Holding hands as they walked down the street, whispers of jokes and snide comments, meant only for their ears. 

She shared the idea of being themselves, their real selves, even if nothing about it was real. 

She made it real for them. 

Her dreams now are filled with his voice, calling out to her, asking them to start again, to take a chance. 

She knows that it’s not real. 

She knows it’s a dream. 

She knows where their hearts lie, knows what their duties are.

She knows the promises they’ve made, 

And if some cannot be fulfilled, then life will go on and they will move on. 

It is, afterall, only an illusion. 

 


	8. Last Hope

He is deliberate.

He walks where he knows she’ll be. 

He stands where he knows she’ll pass by. 

He waits for her every day, if only to give her a smile. 

She takes his hand and for a moment it feels like his dream again, her ghost taking hold of him. 

But when her nails scratch his palm, 

And her voice whispers into his ear, 

He knows it’s real. 

They stand for a moment, neither one speaking, watching each other carefully, wondering if they’ve always looked this way, if they’ve always looked this tired. 

He brushes one finger over a new scar on her cheek, memorizing the way her eyes fluttered shut, the way her body relaxed beside his. 

Her hand found his, slowly leaning into him, his lips only inches from hers. 

It had been nearly a month since their return, and for the first time they found themselves at peace. 

She rested her forehead against his, his arms wrapping around her waist instinctively. 

The sound of footsteps coming their way jerked them back into reality, both of them pulling away from each other. 

He turned to look at a group of younglings making their way down the hall, but by then she had disappeared and Obi-Wan wondered if he had imagined it after all. 

It was the closest they’d been to each other since their return, 

The most time they’d spent together since their return

And in the blink of an eye, 

It was over. 

She was gone and he knew he’d lost his chance. 

  
  
  



	9. Hold My Hand

There was a slight breeze as she stepped out that night, blowing her curls in her face as she stood, watching him. 

He sat with his back to her, his legs crossed, his head tilted up. 

It had rained earlier, and the air around her was cool and calm and she knew that meant he’d be sitting outside. 

“You’re late,” he said, keeping completely still. She smiled and walked up to him, watching him relax as she sat beside him. 

“You’re very confident that I was going to show,” she said, crossing her legs. He rested one hand on his knee, palm up, inviting her to take it. She placed her hand lightly on top of his, watching the way his fingers slowly curled around hers. 

This was right, she thought to herself. 

This was how it was supposed to be. 

“Do you want to talk?” he asked, opening one eye to look at her. She took her time, letting her eyes travel over him, knowing that even underneath his normal attire, he was growing thin, but no less a pleasant sight. She kissed his cheek slowly, letting her lips linger

“I think I’d prefer the quiet,” she said softly, their faces only inches apart. 

He turned his head slightly, a small strand of hair falling in front of his eyes, 

“I’d prefer that, too,” he murmured, kissing her. 

The night chilled more than either were used to but they remained out there just until the first rays of the morning sun broke through. 

With his hand in hers, they sat quietly and watched as the sun rose in front of them, 

It was a familiar place for both of them, 

Side by side, 

Hand in hand. 

The world around them fell away until there was nothing but the faint sunlight and their hands together. 

  
  



	10. Breathe Again

Nights were easier, now. They shared dreams late when no one else was awake. 

Shared walks in the gardens they knew were hidden away from the rest of the temple. 

They were acting as young and unwise children, newly in love, sneaking around to meet, even if for just a minute. 

It was foolish of them, they knew as much, 

But when his lips found hers in the dark, 

And when her hands held his down firmly, taking in his quiet moans, 

They both knew that this was where they belonged, 

In each other’s arms. 

The weight of the bed shifted behind her and she smiled to herself. 

His hands were calloused and cold that it sent shivers through her whole body as he touched her bare skin. 

“You’re late,” she mumbled, letting him turn her towards him. 

“I’ll make it up to you,” he whispered, smirking, leaning down to kiss her. 

His lips made his way over her, gently and carefully, just like their first time. 

She ran her fingers through his hair, gripping it tightly as he made his way down her abdomen. 

They knew how to keep quiet, but it brought him joy to see her control waver, even for a second. 

She let herself go when he was with her, 

Let herself enjoy the tiny moments between them that she knew were theirs and theirs alone. 

This was their home now, even if it was a secret. 

It was theirs. 

He moved up off her, settling into place next to her, his arms wrapped around her waist. 

“Good night, Mrs. Kenobi,” he mumbled, kissing her neck. She chuckled, lightly scraping her nails across his scalp. 

“Good night, Mr. Unduli,” she whispered, kissing the palm of his hand. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's it! please let me know what you think, I'd love to get some feedback! This has been a labor of love and I'm excited to have shared it with all of you!


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